Lauren's Story

I want to thank Pastor Jim and let him know that I have been greatly blessed by his ministry and by his book Unmasked. The Lord has used both of them to bring healing and understanding to my heart in many ways. 

My testimony is similar to those of some young women who shared at the SexualityUnmasked conference in Spokane. It is amazing that Pastor Jim address’s so many issues of my testimony in his book. I grew up in a Christian home, loving and serving the Lord with all my heart. However, when I went away to college, despite my many efforts, I was unable to find a place to significantly connect with other believers. As a result, I was left standing quite alone. I stood fairly strong in the Lord for my first year of college, but then, due to a series of compromises, I found myself in a relationship with a man who was not a believer. Consequently, I ended up asking a variation of the question you said many girls in similar situations end up asking: Did God really say that sexual purity is that important? I slowly compromised my moral standards more and more, losing myself in the process.

Growing up I was always taught: “Do this, and don’t do that.” Unfortunately, I was never taught the heart of God behind His standards. More recently, through personal pursuit, my church, and your ministry I have come to understand the “why” of God’s standards and it has significantly changed my battle for purity.

Needless to say, that unhealthy relationship left me incredibly broken. Out of that brokenness I compromised in other areas of my life and turned to alcohol instead of to Jesus in an attempt to meet my needs. I was caught in a downward spiral for the subsequent years of my college experience. Every choice I made that was in opposition to the Lord’s heart led to more brokenness and shame until I found myself in a state of such deep brokenness that I felt powerless and extremely hopeless. From outward observances most people would have said I was one of the happiest people they knew. Unbeknownst to them I was deeply hurting and alone.

After college I was blessed to be able to spend nine months working at Elijah House Ministries where I was able to pursue the Lord’s heart for healing. He took me through His Word and showed me what true love really looks since my view of love had become so skewed. He washed away all my guilt and shame and restored my heart and my hope. Then, when I encountered your teachings, He brought deeper revelation and understanding to my heart about the things I had walked through. 

I was sexually abused as a child. Instead of facing the abuse and dealing with it, I tried to bury the memories. I believe that abuse opened the door to some of the things I walked through later in life, specifically during my time in college.

When a group of us did a Bible study around your book, the Lord brought deep healing to those past abuses in my life. I then received greater revelation and ministry at your conference. In one of your ministry times at the conference, you prayed against a predator spirit. That brought illumination to me. For years I have been praying for wisdom in that area because I have had many predators or borderline stalker-type men pursue me. I was frustrated in trying to discern why it kept happening to me. I had never connected the dots until you prayed about open doors in our lives to that spirit—the open door, in my case, being the abuse I had experienced as a child. Your teaching brought needed revelation to me as well as being an answer to prayer

Thank you Pastor Jim for your heart to see God bring healing to the hearts of men and women and your faithfulness in carrying the message. It has greatly impacted and blessed my life as well as the lives of many women I know.

I wrote a song a few months ago that was inspired by all I have shared above. It’s a song from my heart (and, I believe, the hearts of many women). My song expresses the following: As little girls we believe that love is like a fairytale. Experience, however, teaches us that love leads only to brokenness. Through bad experience after bad experience women start to believe that love is equated with pain and possibly not worth it after all. Then God, in His mercy and grace, comes in the midst of our brokenness and reveals what true love really looks like. We then discover everything we ever hoped for and dreamed about and get to experience the beauty of the Lord’s perfect love for us.